FEAR! Fear can be one of the most debilitating emotions, holding you back from happiness, adventure, and a fulfilling life.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
This was the rallying call of FDR’s first inaugural speech in 1932, when the country was in the depths of the Great Depression. FDR realized that fear was paralyzing the country. The fear of not having a job, not being able to provide for family, and the potential for another World War. These were very valid and real reasons for people to be terrified.
FDR knew that the only way to get the country out of it’s darkness was to convince Americans to be bold and brave. With this powerful plea, he lit a fire under the American people and ultimately led us out of the Great Depression and through World War II.
How Fear Affects You
Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can keep you from applying for your dream job, from asking out your potential soul mate, or from taking a life-changing journey. Essentially it can prevent you from embracing and enjoying your life.
According to a new book, The Mathematics of Love, people who get the best jobs and life partners are the ones who are bold:
“Whoever does the asking (and is willing to face rejection until achieving the best available option) is better off. Meanwhile, the person who sits back and waits for advances settles for the least bad option on the table.”
Not all fear is bad of course. You should have some rational fears to keep you from hurting yourself or others. If you’re standing at the edge of a cliff, a healthy level of fear will hopefully keep you at a safe enough distance.
We have lots of fears. It’s estimated that 6.3 million Americans have a diagnosed phobia. The most common fears for Americans are public speaking (74%), death (68%), spiders (31%), darkness (11%), and heights (10%).
At a high level, society’s fears can lead to a number of problems: bigotry (racism, homophobia, classism), hate crimes, and even to all-out war. The fear of Communism led to both the Korean & Vietnam Wars, and the Iraq War was initiated by a fear of WMD’s (that were later found to be nonexistent).
Bigotry, racism, homophobia are all rooted out of fear - the fear of different people who may somehow harm you or attack your belief system. If you’ve never known or lived around people of different races or sexual orientations, then you may rely on misinformed stereotypes to form your opinions.
From Strategic Leadership Institute:
A growing volume of research results are pointing towards fear as the major underlying driving force for conditioned racism. Neuroscientists Elizabeth Phelps and Andreas Ollson from New York University have done extensive research on the neuroscience of racism, and they propose that “millennia of natural selection and a lifetime of social learning may predispose humans to fear those who seem different from them”.
How to Overcome Your Fears
So what can you do to overcome all these irrational debilitating fears?
Here’s a simple and unique approach to dealing with your fears. It may not cure all of your deep-seated phobias, but it will give you confidence to move beyond your comfort zones.
F.E.A.R. is an acronym for the four steps:
F - Free (your mind) & Forget (what you’ve been told)
E - Experience (new things) & Embrace (them)
A - Accept (what can’t be changed) & Adapt (to new situations)
R - Relax (your mind) & Remember (the good in experiences)
Step One: Free (your mind) & Forget (what you’ve been told)
The first step of the journey is to free your mind to the possibilities of what’s out there and what you can do. And then you need to forget about all the negative messages you’ve heard your whole life (especially from the media).
Say you want to book a trip to Europe, Asia, or South America. Perhaps you’ve been told you might get pickpocketed, mugged, kidnapped, or worse (killed by terrorists!). Of course, you have to be mindful of these things, but the vast majority of travel destinations are quite safe.
If you made all your travel decisions based solely on watching world news, you’d be too paralyzed with fear to even leave your neighborhood.
Another example is the fear of spiders or arachnophobia, which afflicts 31% of all Americans. If you were to free your mind and learn more about spiders, you may not be as terrified.
From LiveScience:
“Spiders tend to avoid people, and have no reason to bite humans because they aren't bloodsuckers and don't feed on humans, Buddle said. "They are far more afraid of us than we are of them," he said. "They're not offensive."
When spider bites do happen, they tend to occur because the eight-legged beasts are surprised -- for example when a person reaches into a glove, shoe or nook that they are occupying at the moment, Buddle said.
Even then, however, the majority of spiders are not toxic to humans. Spiders prey on small invertebrates such as insects, so their venom is not geared toward large animals such as humans.”
Step Two: Experience (new things) & Embrace (them)
The best way to overcome a fear is to first make an attempt to experience it, even if you just get a small taste. As you’re experiencing it, try to embrace it. Think about why other people may actually enjoy this experience. Put yourself in their shoes. Even if you don’t end up liking the experience, you may learn to appreciate why others do.
To use the travel example again, the best way to overcome your fears of going to new places and meeting new people is to start making some small trips outside your comfort zone. Start with a state or region of the country you’ve never been before.
Some great areas of the U.S. to expand your horizons and begin to explore different cultures are New York, San Francisco, New Orleans, Austin, Seattle, Miami, and Chicago.
After that, maybe you can try booking a cruise in the Caribbean, Mexico, or the Mediterranean. You’ll have a “home base” on the ship with other Americans, but then have an opportunity to see different ports and cities each day.
As you’re visiting these new places, make a point to really engage with the local culture. People-watch, eat at their restaurants, go to their museums, and ride the local public transportation. You’ll usually find the locals to be very warm and welcoming.
There was a great TV series a few years back called 30 Days (created and hosted by Morgan Spurlock from Supersize Me). In each episode, Spurlock, or some other person or group of people, spend 30 days immersing themselves in a particular lifestyle with which they are unfamiliar (e.g. working for minimum wage, being in prison, a Christian living as a Muslim etc).
Although it was a TV show, the lessons learned and reactions from being exposed to new people and situations were really impressive. You don’t have to go this extreme, but do try to get out of your comfort zone as often as you can.
Step Three: Accept (what can’t be changed) & Adapt (to new situations)
Many people cling to irrational fears. Statistics on what people fear and worry about show that 60% fear things that will never take place, 30% fear things that happened in the past, & a whopping 90% fear things considered to be insignificant issues.
You’ll be much happier and less fearful if you accept that certain things are going to happen and cannot be changed. We’re going to experience crazy weather (lightning & thunder), natural disasters, and strife in the world.
The key is not to bury your head in the sand, but do as the old adage says “Hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.” Living in California, most of us have earthquake survival kits consisting of water, food, first aid supplies, money, etc. We all know there could be a massive earthquake at any time, but most people who have lived here awhile don’t dwell on it.
I’ll use a slightly different fear to illustrate how to adapt to new situations - the fear of new technology. Especially for many older people, there is a fear that they won’t be able to understand or use the latest new tech gadgets. The ironic part is that as technology gets more advanced, the gadgets actually get more user-friendly. You just have to be willing to do a little bit of research or ask someone to show you the ropes.
Step Four: Relax (your mind) & Remember (the good in experiences)
The final step will allow you to continue living a life of adventure devoid of irrational fears. To relax your mind simply means finding ways to naturally reduce stress.
This can be in the form of meditation, yoga, tai chi, exercise, or breathe work. My preference is yoga, exercise (walking & swimming), and meditation. Meditation is probably the best for giving you the tools to quiet and relax your mind. If you’ve never meditated before, it’s actually very simple.
Here’s a great little how-to for beginners: Meditation
And lastly, remember the good in experiences. In the first step, you were asked to forget the bad stuff you’ve been told. This time, you’re going to remember the good stuff from your actual experiences. When you’re debating whether to take that next trip, apply for that job, or do something else adventurous, remember the other times that being adventurous felt so great.
“I regret travelling around the world. I wish I’d stayed home instead!” -- No One Ever
If you face and embrace your fears, you'll likely live an adventurous and exciting life and never regret it!